A former member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints shared with Candice what was hurtful and what was helpful from family and friends as they navigated their faith journey.
NOT HELPFUL
Setting minimum standards of belief such as "as long as you still believe in God"
"Have you prayed about it?"
Giving apologist books with answers that don't resonate
Labeling as "not diligent" or "lazy"
Ridiculing people who are not at church for their clothing choices or their intelligence, etc.
Only talking about church
Ignoring their experience as they leave the church
Failing to consider the actual impact of well-intended offers
HELPFUL
Talking about things that are not church-related
Learning and honoring boundaries
Sincerely saying things like, "Thank you for telling me," "I know this is hard for you," "I want to support you," etc.
Asking follow-up questions - with consent
Remember that, although someone else staying or leaving is outside of your control, you always get to decide how you behave
Expressing pride and respect in them as a person
Take a sincere interest. Don't just tolerate them; embrace them
ASK YOURSELF
Is there a difference between what I am trying to communicate and the actual effect it's having?
Is there a way for me to be more loving that would improve my experience and strengthen my relationship with my child so I can be a blessing in their life and not a painful burden?
You found me! If what you heard on the No Empty Chairs podcast gives you hope for more help, please schedule a free Conversation with Candice. You can also visit candiceclarkcoaching.com for more information about how coaching tools can help you keep your relationship with your children and your faith. While you're there, be sure to pull up a chair and sign up with your email to be the first to know about news and events for moms whose kids don't come to church.
It's going to be okay, and even better!
